The Path to Self-Love and Healthy Relationships with Shannon Chapoy
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How can embracing self-love and vulnerability lead to deeper, more meaningful relationships? In today’s episode of In Between Homes, we dive into that very question with Shannon Chapoy, a beautiful soul who supports and guides people to their deepest love and light within. She intends to inspire people to know that their greatest love lies within, to adapt their internal stories, dream widely, and experience their own inner freedom.
In our conversation, we explore her inspiring journey through grief and motherhood alone, highlighting how choosing a home aligned with her values set the foundation for balance and connection in her life. We also explore the role self-love plays in building meaningful relationships, from breaking down emotional barriers to embracing vulnerability for real growth. Shannon’s wisdom encourages listeners to “date themselves,” discovering what they enjoy and valuing their own company before seeking it in another. Tune in now to hear how the journey to safe and fulfilling love starts from within and how we can all find our way home.
Deciding on a New Path
Ten years ago, Shannon was already living in the Netherlands, having moved there from the United States 20 years earlier. In her first decade there, she worked very hard and met a Dutch man, whom she married and had a daughter with. Sadly, he passed away, leaving Shannon to navigate the immense grief of losing who she believed was the love of her life while trying to rediscover her place in the world.
At that time, she was also torn about where to raise her daughter—stay in the Netherlands where her daughter’s paternal family was, move to Spain where her own family lived, or return to the U.S., where she had spent much of her life and had strong ties.
Honestly, the decision wasn’t easy; it was a process. She had to carefully weigh each option by considering career opportunities and how each choice would impact her desire for a balanced life. By focusing on her values, priorities, and the pros and cons of each location, she ultimately chose to remain in the Netherlands, where she found herself falling in love with the country all over again.
Self-Discovery During Transitions
Next, we dive into what Shannon’s life looks like today and what’s unfolded in the past few years. She begins by reflecting on the period during COVID—a time of intense change for many. Before the pandemic, she had an exciting job that allowed her to travel across South America and the U.S. She was also in a relationship with someone who she believed loved her consistently, which felt like a relief after years of feeling unlucky in love. But deep down, she realized she was settling.
With a partner who took care of her daughter and a job she loved, things seemed perfect just before COVID. Yet, she chose to end the relationship. Then her partner told her, “You have this incredible wall up,” and she later realized that wall was built from the pain of past abandonment and heartbreak. Shannon had to ask herself whether she was truly content with settling—and the answer was no.
She decided it was time to break down those emotional walls and focus on finding happiness within herself.
This decision sparked a journey of self-discovery and deeper self-development. She began working with a coach and took the opportunity to truly explore who she was and how she could thrive. By late 2020, Shannon found herself happier than ever before. She felt truly alive, deeply connected with herself and others, and began to wildly dream.
At first, dreaming wildly felt strange—like envisioning a new relationship when she wasn’t even looking for one. Yet, this mindset opened new doors. It was a turning point in her life, a moment of profound transformation. She still needed to learn what truly brought her joy.
So, she started dating herself—exploring what she genuinely loved, whether it was walking on the beach, Latin dancing, or enjoying beautiful food because she was always interested in making everybody else happy and she didn't even know what she really loved.
This process reignited her passion for life and opened her heart to the possibility of a new relationship.
Eventually, she decided to try online dating, approaching it with a fresh perspective and releasing attachment to any certain outcomes. Her focus was on building friendships and seeing where they might lead, all while continuing her journey of self-development. The foundation she built was rooted in the understanding that her greatest love comes from within. This realization made her feel whole, without needing someone else to fill any gaps. It was a powerful reminder that when you date yourself, you discover what safe love is.
Shannon’s Current Love Story
Now, she’s happily married and feels more vibrant than ever as she approaches 56.
She believes the key to her youthful energy lies in being genuinely happy, carefree, and relaxed. Her story is a powerful reminder that age is just a number and it’s never too late to find love.
After a 10-year gap following a difficult breakup, she met her first husband at 39, got married, and had her daughter at 40. Reflecting on her dating journey, she shares her top three tips for enjoying the process: release expectations, trust the inner work you’ve done, and stay open to building friendships.
This mindset ultimately led her to meet her current husband, Marcel, three years ago.
Finding Joy in Relationships
While dating, she had both pleasant and disappointing experiences, but none of them felt like the right connection.
Even with Marcel, when they first matched, he was going through a breakup and didn’t respond to her message. Typically, pride might make a confident woman think, “If he’s not going to reply, forget it.”
But instead of letting that ego-driven thought guide her, she trusted her gut and felt there was something worth exploring. So, she decided to reach out again, understanding that life can be complicated and timing matters—sometimes it’s not personal.
Interestingly, when they later talked, he thought she hadn’t replied to his message either, showing how assumptions can lead us astray. This experience highlighted the importance of maturity and listening to your intuition.
Once they reconnected, things moved quickly.
Marcel knew almost immediately that Shannon was the one. Being in their 50s, they were both clear about what they wanted, but Shannon was surprised at how fast it all developed. It turned out that he embodied everything she had envisioned during her self-development journey, right down to the list she had made.
They believe that the key to their thriving relationship is letting go of expectations and prioritizing open, vulnerable communication. Now, they’ve been happily married for six months, and it’s all built on a foundation of trust, openness, and mutual understanding.
The Power of Open Communication
Shannon shared that while she had no expectations, she did create a detailed list of qualities she desired in a partner.
She identified about 30-40 characteristics, such as integrity, fun, adventurous spirit, kindness, and open-mindedness, and categorized them: essential traits were marked as ones, highly desirable traits as twos, and nice-to-have traits as threes. She found that two-thirds of her list fell into the "ones" category, indicating she actually did have high expectations.
Previously, Shannon had overlooked important traits for superficial reasons, like physical attractiveness. However, Marcel checked all her essential boxes, proving the importance of having a clear vision of what you want. Her approach was to dream wildly for qualities like fun, adventure, kindness, passion, and good communication, and then let go of the specifics.
She learned to maintain “grateful expectations without attachment,” embracing life fully and believing that the right people would naturally align with her abundant self-love. By building a strong foundation of self-acceptance and trust, she found that those who were meant to stay would remain, allowing her to cultivate meaningful, lasting connections.
Abundance in Love
Today, Shannon guides her clients through the dating process, helping them present their best selves by emphasizing honesty and openness. She advises using words that really convey a feeling of the things that you really want to attract in your life—whether it's fun, adventure, travel, or deep intimacy—and selecting photos and text that provide a well-rounded snapshot of who you are and what you're looking for.
You need to present yourself in a way that is the right translation of who you are.
With that being said, Shannon and I will be collaborating on a transformative retreat in Bali, where we'll focus on deepening self-love and preparing for a successful dating journey. Before the retreat, we’ll work on connecting with ourselves and articulating our desires.
In Bali, we’ll create a vision for what we want in a relationship, experiencing freedom and adventure while letting go of attachments. This retreat will not only help you connect deeply with yourself but also prepare you for meaningful relationships.
Following the retreat, we want to be able to support people to continue the process of knowing how to express themselves when they want to go online. With a maximum of 10 participants, this exclusive program is designed to help you embrace self-love and abundance. Interested? Learn more and sign up at https://abundanceinlove.com/.
Navigating Finances as a Team
To wrap up our discussion, we explore Shannon's approach to finances, from living abroad, and her independent past to her current relationship.
She has had a really interesting journey because she has always been very independent. Her father had told her when she was young to be sure to have a good career, have your own money, and don't be dependent on anyone. So, that was always her mindset. She had to protect herself, that she had to have her own money, that she had to be careful and not depend on anyone.
When she and her partner got engaged, they tackled the topic of finances head-on, even though it was sometimes uncomfortable. They chose to combine their finances based on their shared values but kept a portion separate for personal spending. This arrangement allowed Shannon to pursue retreats and other interests without needing to consult him each time, fostering a sense of teamwork and abundance.
Their open conversations about financial management—whether paying off the house or investing in other areas—have reinforced their bond, showing that tackling difficult topics together can lead to a harmonious and fulfilling partnership.
Thank you, Shannon, for sharing your insights on safe love and healthy relationships. For more of her wisdom, listen to the full episode on your favorite podcast platform.
Connect with Shannon:
Email: skchapoy@gmail.com
Instagram: @shannon_chapoy
Check out our upcoming Abundance in Love Retreat and Program: https://abundanceinlove.com/
